Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Happy Concussion Day!

Yay! Today is the two year anniversary of my (latest) concussion!

Normally, two years of debilitating injury, pain, and assorted suffering would not be cause for celebration. But instead I'm celebrating the success in constantly improving and getting better. Even a year ago, with all the improvement I thought I was making, this kind of trip would not have been possible. And I'm having a great time, and collecting great data, so very happy to be here.

It's probably impossible to explain what life is like with a broken brain. I could talk about sleeping in my office, getting up to go to class and going back to sleep immediately after. I could mention the utter weirdness of suddenly crying - and know "I'm" not crying or sad, but my brain is doing it. I could talk about being in so much pain that I threw up, or the night I gave very serious thought to going downstairs to my landlord's car and slamming my hand in the door so I would be distracted from the pain in my head. I could mention the weird sensations - the right side of my head and face was numb, and often felt like blood was streaming down it, or at night it felt crushed and smashed in - but I had to sleep on that side because otherwise the sensation leaked into the other side. Or the fear - sitting in class (because I couldn't stand) hoping I wouldn't throw up or pass out or start crying. The fear of going to meetings - because lots of people talking at once was so overwhelming that within 20 minutes my migraine would be immeasurable. Talking with people in the hallway was a constant struggle not to pass out, and to politely escape before the pain became too bad. The fear that I would never get better, and be stuck forever in that twilight, dizzy half-life with pain and confusion.

But, two years later I may not be perfectly back but I'm nearly so! I still take pills daily to keep down the migraine I've had nonstop for two years, but fewer! (I laughed out loud when reading Consumer Reports' article on my migraine drug - that it's good for people with frequent migraines, such as 15 out of the 30 days of the month. TWO YEARS of migraine here!) I feel better with more sleep, but can now get up and function without twelve hours of sleep. I run, camp, publish articles, conduct research, go out to lunch and dinner, have fun. I can read books, drive a car, and ride a train without being overwhelmed and sick.





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